The Doctor Will See You Now

‘I am Zblog, Master of the Universe. Surrender to my overwhelming power.’

‘Do you have an appointment?’

‘I am Zblog. I need no appointment.’

‘How are you spelling that?’

‘Unimportant. I do not recognise your pathetic language.’

‘Is that with a Z?’

‘You are not listening. I am…’

‘… yes, Zblog, I heard. I’m afraid I don’t have you on my database.’

‘Do not speak to me of databases. I spit on your puny databases.’

‘I’d rather you didn’t. Health and Safety and all that. The doctor is very busy but I could fit you in after lunch, say 2.30? Would that be convenient?’

‘This doctor, he is your leader?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘Bring him to me. He will bow before my magnificence.’

‘I’m afraid that’s out of the question. He’s examining Mrs Pigwhistle’s bunions.’

‘My mighty battle fleet is outside ready to obliterate your miserable planet.’

‘Well, I hope they’re not blocking the access. We may have to issue tickets, if so.’

‘They are poised above us awaiting my instructions.’

‘Good. Car parking spaces are extremely limited.’

‘Who are you, worm?’

‘Please do not get personal. I’m trying my best to help you. Now, if you are not a current patient, I shall have to ask you to fill out this NHS form. Do you have a pen?’

‘No, I do not have a pen, insignificant life-form. What is a pen?’

‘Here, you can use this this one. Take a seat.’

‘Oh, all right then. Half past two, you say?’